The midnight emails aren’t the solution. They’re the symptom.

Here is what I told myself during that period.

• I have flexibility. I can be at the hospital when I need to be. I can be present for my family in a way that would be impossible in a rigid nine-to-five role. This is working.

What was actually happening was this.

• I redistributed my working hours across every available hour of the day and squeezed my personal life into the gaps, calling it balance because I was technically present for the things that mattered – while running on empty for all of them.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

About the role

Suddenly I had two full-time jobs. One was the job I was actually paid for. The other was the unpaid, unacknowledged, relentless work of being the person holding everything together while someone I loved was in hospital.

Responsibilities

• Flexibility that wasn’t My workplace was, on paper, flexible. I could leave early for hospital visits. I could work from home when I needed to.
• The language around it was understanding and accommodating and all the right things.
• I became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Early mornings before the hospital. Late evenings after I got home. Weekends when things were quieter.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

Requirements

• Became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Flexibility that wasn’t My workplace was, on paper, flexible. I could leave early for hospital visits. I could work from home when I needed to.
• The language around it was understanding and accommodating and all the right things.
• I became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Early mornings before the hospital. Late evenings after I got home. Weekends when things were quieter.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

Qualifications

• Became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Flexibility that wasn’t My workplace was, on paper, flexible. I could leave early for hospital visits. I could work from home when I needed to.
• The language around it was understanding and accommodating and all the right things.
• I became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Early mornings before the hospital. Late evenings after I got home. Weekends when things were quieter.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

Skills

• Became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Flexibility that wasn’t My workplace was, on paper, flexible. I could leave early for hospital visits. I could work from home when I needed to.
• The language around it was understanding and accommodating and all the right things.
• I became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Early mornings before the hospital. Late evenings after I got home. Weekends when things were quieter.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

Benefits

• Became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Flexibility that wasn’t My workplace was, on paper, flexible. I could leave early for hospital visits. I could work from home when I needed to.
• The language around it was understanding and accommodating and all the right things.
• I became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Early mornings before the hospital. Late evenings after I got home. Weekends when things were quieter.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

Skills

• Became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Flexibility that wasn’t My workplace was, on paper, flexible. I could leave early for hospital visits. I could work from home when I needed to.
• The language around it was understanding and accommodating and all the right things.
• I became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required it. But because the only way I could find to fit everything in – the hospital visits, the home responsibilities, the full weight of a demanding job – was to work at the edges of the day.
• Early mornings before the hospital. Late evenings after I got home. Weekends when things were quieter.
• I thought I was managing. I thought I had found the solution.
• I was checking emails at midnight. I was sending reports at 6am. I was available, always, because being unavailable felt like the one thing I couldn’t afford on top of everything else.
• I was exhausted in a way that went beyond tired. The kind of exhausted that doesn't respond to a good night's sleep. The kind that settles into your bones and starts affecting your judgment and your health and your ability to feel anything very much at all.
• I nearly ended up in hospital myself. Not because of my husband’s illness – because of what I had done to myself trying to keep everything running as if nothing had changed.

Benefits

• Became a 24/7 employee. Not because anyone asked me to. Not because there was a policy that required