How to Avoid BFF Crush and Burn

We all have “crushes,” lots of them—creative, friendship, or business crushes. If you’re passionate about connection, ideas, and potential synergy, you likely thrive on collaboration, especially when it complements your strengths. This often leads to an "urge to merge," whether it’s bonding with a fellow entrepreneur at a networking event or feeling inspired by someone’s online success story. When it works, it feels magical and effortless—until it doesn’t.

As women, we may hesitate to walk away from these connections due to guilt, fear of disappointment, or second-guessing our instincts. This is what I call "Crush and Burn Territory." Here’s how to navigate it with confidence:

Seven Steps to Address Your Crush and Burn

• Journal about Your Fears and Trepidation:

  Write freely about your concerns, guilt, or mixed feelings. This helps uncover your truth without judgment.

• Breathe:

  Acknowledge your honesty with yourself. Expressing your feelings can be cathartic and clarifying.

• Reach Out to Supportive People:

  Share your concerns with 2-3 trusted individuals who know you well. Ask for objective feedback, such as:

  • “Do you think I’m backing out because I often overcommit?”
  • “Would you react the same way if this happened to you?”
  • “Do I need more information or better boundaries?”
• Be Present with Feedback:

  Listen to your trusted advisors without censoring their input. Does their perspective resonate with you?

• Write Down Next Steps:

  Avoid binary thinking (“bolt or bite the bullet”). Instead, explore options like gathering more information or asking clarifying questions before deciding.

  Example: A colleague considering a business developer asked for references, realistic timelines, and case studies before committing. The developer’s defensive reaction revealed misalignment, saving her from a costly mistake.

• Start with Curiosity and Clarity:

  If you’re unsure, frame questions neutrally: “I admire your work, but I’m curious about…” If it’s not a fit, a simple “no” is enough: “I’ve decided to go in a different direction, but thank you for your time.”

• Practice Preventative Measures:

  Enjoy the excitement of new connections but pause before committing. Suggest a follow-up in a few days to assess compatibility without pressure.

About the Author

Lois Barth is a human development expert, motivational speaker, and coach. She is the author of Courage to SPARKLE: The Audacious Girls’ Guide to Creating a Life that Lights You Up and champions women to live authentically. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Fitness, and MSNBC.com.

For a complimentary 30-minute consultation, email lois@loisbarth.com with “Let’s Tawk!” in the subject line.